I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
