Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
