I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize