The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
