too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
