i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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