i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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