My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
