When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
