His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
