You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
