A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize