im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
