The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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