the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
