Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
