Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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