Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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