i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
