Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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