I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
