Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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