If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
