well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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