sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
