Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
