I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
