remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
