So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He shit in the fireplace
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
