need another drink. this is the easiest way
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize