Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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