i think my mom watched the whole time
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
