I faked an abortion last night.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
