There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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