Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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