yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
