Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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