i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
