I met the friendliest cop last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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