did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
