Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Screwed.edu
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
