i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I still have a little drunk in my system
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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