the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
