I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
