Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
