i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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