I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
