Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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