I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
