Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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