Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
