his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
