based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
