I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
