Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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