Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
