areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
