i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
