we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
