Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
