During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
