I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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