What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
