i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
