glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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