butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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