Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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