I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
